Mr. Gray Hair
This is the audio and video odyssey of Mr. Gray Hair.
It’s a tale that confronts the mysterious world of the home theater, plus a significant player to be named later.
Mr. Gray Hair still spins his 1969 vinyl copy of Abbey Road.
It all ‘Comes Together’ via his legacy Kenwood receiver, Kenwood turntable, and EPI bookshelf speakers.
He loves the system.
His CD player is not as much fun as his vinyl.
His vintage Beta VCR rests in a garage closet.
Last year, his laserdisc player and DVD player gave up the ghost.
This year, he purchased a 50-inch OLED TV.
And he dumped his satellite and cable internet bills.
He replaced broadband cable internet with 5G cellular and a WiFi gateway router.
YouTube TV, Prime, and Netflix subscriptions replaced cable programming.
And it all streams via a dongle connected to his TV.
He may also give high-resolution streaming audio a try.
But not yet.
Dongle – who makes up these names?
Mr. Gray Hair’s system was all good, well, almost.
Yeah, this is where this tale veers into the mysterious.
Wanderer
While driving from town to town, Mr. Gray Hair wandered onto the floor of the big Box.
Shelves crammed with home theater receivers confronted him.
Then a Blue Shirt appeared.
The Blue Shirt claimed, “I can create a theater experience in your home.”
He pointed to the receiver front panels awash with buttons and knobs.
And back panels stuffed with all manner of cool-looking audio & video jacks.
The Blue Shirt continued with groovy-sounding acronyms.
Mr. Gray Hair was impressed.
He wanted a home theater.
Then the Blue Shirt fumbled the ball.
He handed the remote control to Mr. Gray Hair, who selected the menu button.
It revealed a dizzying onscreen maze of menus and sub-menus that offered cryptic options such as:
• Speaker Setup – Was it a free service?
• Network control – Did this grant control of mainstream media?
• 4K or 8K – How many K’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
• Audyssey – This misspelling suggested someone flunked Greek mythology.
• HDCP – Hiccups, right?
• Slews of Dolby’s – He knew of only one Dolby, Thomas. He still had a clean copy of his LP.
• Surround parameters – Creates a safe space? But safe from whom?
• Password – “Oh no, another password to lose!”
What was Mr. Gray Hair stepping into?
Yikes, it’s another geek-tech trap!
It was more than his gray cells could handle.
Lost in a swirling onscreen haze, he rapidly descended into a panic to run.
And he did.
Fight
Mr. Gray Hair’s hasty retreat produced the bitter taste of defeat.
It was an outcome he could not accept.
He will not allow the tech monster to conquer him!
Recon
Mr. Gray Hair needed a battle plan.
And that starts with battlefield reconnaissance.
The recon exposed an all-too-typical gray cell roadblock.
It was the barricade of misunderstood ‘taken-for-granted’ basic audio and video terms.
Words in a sentence that block gray cells from proceeding to their period.
For example, “What is stereo audio?”
Too many stumble with anything that approaches the correct answer.
It may seem surprising, but many in the audio & video industry cannot provide a correct answer.
That’s not an opinion.
It’s a fact.
Be that as it may, Mr. Gray Hair was excited to discover the correct answers.
And he couldn’t wait to apply them in his battle plan.
Strategy
Mr. Gray Hair’s recon intel led to a four-part game plan strategy.
#1. Seek sources that define audio & video terms – LINK.
#2. Survey basic plus advanced terms and concepts.
#3. Create a list of potential concepts to apply.
#4. Confirm system component requirements.
Tactics
Next, Mr. Gray Hair outlined six steps to execute his strategic goal — a home theater.
The first four support the primary goal. Number six could be a deal breaker.
Step #1: The specified 5.1 Dolby Layout.
The following circular layout recreates the primary audio aims of a filmmaker.
Note that each speaker (except the subwoofer) is placed on the circle with the “sweet spot seat” at its center.
The left, center, and right speaker audio match and follow the onscreen image locations.
The rear speakers partner with the front speakers to create the surround effects of movement from
front-to-back, left-to-right, circularly, and diagonally, throughout the room.
The subwoofer is dedicated to recreating room-resonating low-frequency bass sound effects.
Mr. Gray Hair could easily accommodate the front speakers and the subwoofer.
But, he could not accommodate the specified rear floor locations.
They would interfere with daily family room activity.
Guided by the 5.1 specs, Mr. Gray Hair mapped out an alternative, compromised solution.
* Note: Select this LINK to view additional advanced layouts.
The front speakers & subwoofer status.
• Front left/right speakers will remain in their current locations.
• The television is centered between the front left/right speakers.
• A center speaker will be placed under or above the television.
• His comfy chair will remain as-is, in the floor-centered “sweet spot”.
• He will select one of several feasible subwoofer floor locations.
The rear location compromise
• Specified floor locations are in unacceptable prime walking paths.
• Therefore, install in-ceiling speakers above the specified floor locations.
Step #2: Install the Kenwood turntable.
Step #3: Replace the old Kenwood receiver with a home theater receiver.
Step #4: Replace the EPIs with a new speaker upgrade.
Step #5: Integrate the new OLED TV and streaming components.
Step #6: Confirm WAF.
On several occasions, Mr. Gray Hair had spoken enthusiastically to his wife, “the significant player to be named later”, about installing an exciting home theater.
Each produced Mrs. Gray Hair’s “glare of uninterested disapproval.”
How would he jump this hurdle?
With a deep breath, he elected to engage ‘The Art of the Orange Man’.
He presented his wife with a full-out Dolby 7.1.4 surround layout.
That’s 8 speakers on the floor, plus 4 hanging from the ceiling.
He explained how they could easily navigate walking paths around ‘small’ speakers on stands.
“This will create an exciting movie theater experience.”
She immediately vetoed the plan.
He then countered with a 5.1.4 arrangement.
This proposal did not move her.
Finally, displaying a sad expression, Mr. Gray Hair reluctantly offered
to install a 5.1 layout, with only 2, nearly invisible, rear in-ceiling speakers.
The front speakers will remain as-is.
And he will add a “small” center speaker under or just above the TV.
She quietly, with little enthusiasm, acquiesced to his offer.
The thrill of victory
Victory was in sight.
He just had a few details to work out.
Although he had not disclosed replacing the EPIs and Kenwood receiver, it was implied, right?
Oh yeah, how about the subwoofer?
He planned to slip it in when she visited her mother.
Mr. Gray Hair had a foolproof plan — right?
What could go wrong?
The agony of defeat
In a twist of high-fidelity karma, his foolproof plan was nuked.
Mrs. Gray Hair caught on to his “implied” deceptive and costly additions.
This twist crushed him.
In an act of mercy, she did permit one upgrade.
Stereo home theater
Mr. Gray Hair had to abandon the surround sound plan.
He defaulted to his stereo speaker layout.
His vinyl, streaming sources, nearly forgotten CD player, OLED TV, and legacy speakers were kept in place.
He moved the old Kenwood receiver to his garage audio system.
And then used his one permitted purchase.
He bought a new Denon stereo AV receiver.
It provided switching of his vinyl, CD player, and streaming video to his legacy speakers and OLED TV.
One-button routing was a legitimate win.
It also features a phono input, a subwoofer output, digital coax and optical jacks, a Bluetooth connection, WiFi, and a remote control which opens the door to future upgrades.
Although he fell short of the surround sound goal.
He did successfully upgrade to an effective, dynamic, and entertaining stereo home theater system.
All in all, it was a worthwhile journey
Mr. Gray Hair’s odyssey has come to a close.
It was less than the epic ending he had hoped for.
He survived stressful gray-cell hardship.
He gained a wealth of knowledge.
He lost the battle.
In retreat, he was ‘permitted’ an upgrade.
But a battle does not make a war.
New speakers, subwoofer, and ultimately surround sound?
Maybe next year.
That’s it.
.
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